so, it's really been about two weeks of my bored insecurities and silence . . . yeah, i know i suck like a bad cheerleader.
i have a nifty new story that is running away with it self over at Lapis Sample. there is a second chapter already and The Tick and i are having fun with it. he has been throwing the proverbial wrench into my boring story forcing me to try harder and be better by adding a paragraph when i start to wind down.
nothing too exciting going on round here. The Ronica is doing pretty good in fourth grade and Mary is drinking less. i was a bad girl and bought her first Peach Bellini today to top the two pitchers of Sangria we drank last Wednesday but we just wanted to nibble and drink something tasty and we did not get drunk so i think that is good. learning to drink lightly and not aim for 'trashed' every time is a lesson in and of it self, i think . . . and anyways, i just want someone i can drink all my favorite drinks with which would be why we followed it up with a Mudslide each. and we liked them!
Mary and i decided to go out on Wednesdays just to get away and have some time together. it's nice to have someone to talk to, finally, since everyone else seems to be drifting away a bit. i guess i can't explain it in a way that will make sense if you don't already get it, but i really need someone who likes me best. a confidant, if you will, but one that i can trust and has a strong loyalty to me above most others. one that is honest with me. it's hard to find them all in a person that i'm comfortable with.
my Benny Boy is gone and so is the Toaster Boy and without my brotherly peoples, i have been a little lost and depressed. there is a joking kind of familiar, nonchalant nonsexual flirting you have with a brother. it's like what happens to the top-this gross-out contests when you get older. you try to see who will pull back first and you laugh a lot. i miss that. i miss talking to them, too. i miss the way Ben will randomly hump my leg and i miss Toaster Boy asking if i want to touch his bum. i miss the fierce hugs and the crude jokes. i miss two people that can take one look at me and know how i feel but will ask anyways. i love those boys.
i was walking by a booth at work and they wanted me to make a donation to the war and i snapped that i'd already sent my brother and walked away. i feel a little bad now, but i think i'll send him a box of Cosmo's and chocolate and see if that perks him up . . . i keep meaning to check on whether i can send porn.
by the way, Exorcist: The Beginning is awesome and i loved it. not Boo! kind of scary but very very suspenseful and creepy. it's very good and i suggest everyone go see it tonight!
confessed on Wednesday, Aug. 25, 2004