Thank you all so very much! i really needed to get that all out and i feel so much better. And if you want to know why, go see Rizzen's discussion on reality. He is really quite intelligent and poses an excellent view on "reality just IS, so quit questioning it, OK?" i like it. personally, i agree with him. Start with reality is real. Constant. So, stick that in you postulate and work out your equation!

Easy answer? i just had to work out why people had to hunt, own, take apart, destroy, and leave in horror the things they think love. And why they are so intent on falling in love with that which they are NOT. (*note: see "I") i feel cleansed now. In the two days it took me to type that whole thing out, i didn't eat; couldn't sleep. i hardly noticed there was a reality beyond what was taking place inside my head. Even when i was not where i could type, i was just going throught the motions of life on auto pilot while "throwing clay" in my head. i remember drinking LOTS of ice water. i hate ice water. i felt like i was posessed with something greater than just me and that i had to spill this out as if it would stagnate and fester if left inside me. By the time i finished, i felt as if i had take bleach and a wire brush to my insides. But i also feel clean. i am pathetic and insecure, so please, just tell me what you think.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ahhhh . . . to catch up! The last week or so was fairly tame so we shall skim the highlights!

Monday

Roni & i went to see Plaz Tekk, Sarah, and her Nana. i now have a Nana. This woman is amazing! i really enjoyed the time we spent with her and i hope we get to see her some more. Plaz ~ i have the info she wanted on the "Blue Diamond" song, so call me!

Tuesday

i finished "Butterfly" and got a migraine. i got sick. Sarah went in at 5 something in the AM to have the Baby (took 6 hours / pushed twice / looks like his Dad except her dark hair / 7lb 6oz / 18.5" long) who strangely has only the normal number of fingers & toes . . . just kidding, guys! i couldn't go see him because i was sick and that sucked, so we had dinner at Mom's

Wednesday

Still sick, still migraine, still miserable, still at Mom's for dinner, but my sis is in town so, yay-go-me . . . we argue. i also find out that it sucks to be broke. i can't go to be at my Gramma's birthday in December. Mom tells me that the company she & Dad work for just filed Chap. 11 and though they still have jobs right now, nothing past next week is certain. There goes my ride. i really wanted to see her, too. Gramma is turning 75 and can still run circles around our whole family.

Thursday

MY SWEET BABY GIRL IS SIX!!!!!!!!!! (and oh, yeah, happy turkey day and all.) i was still sick so i couldn't do anything useful but we sat at my parent's from noon 'til almost 8PM and a fun time was had by all. sure. But as family gatherings go, it was not bad. Roni got the EZ-Bake oven with blender & mixer like she wanted and was thrilled. Then i took her to Darth Mom's trailer in the park for her celebration with Daddy & his family.

Friday

i slept and read all day. cooked 4 meals and watched 1 movie. took 2 showers 'cause i always feel wretched when i am sick.

Saturday

can you say, "Ditto"? Yes? Then say it! only it was 1 movie AND 4 hour of Scooby Doo on tape. and cleaned the apartment. yippy.

" . . . and that will bring us back to 'Do'!" ~ Sound of Music

"Doh!" ~ Homer Simpson

i am feeling so scattered right now, but that's ok. i just wanted to take a moment here and thank:

O.Penguin

yes, i really do love you. yes, i understand that you really do love me. no, i really don't take being part of the team lightly.

Crackbaby

OK, so, i am also a cracked head ~ but more so than you know!

Tish

you have yet to ask for my blood flowing freely over your hands and even give me feedback . . . GOAT TONGUE!!!

Liv

without you . . . i just don't know. Please promise ME you will never let the omnicidal maniac drive the vehicle you are in ever again. i will NOT lose you again.

This really sweet guy

Thank you. and, you know, i had to really look hard to find an address for you, so that's prolly why more people didn't ask where you were. you are missed when your gone. even by voyeurs like me.

~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@ ~{@

don't give me answers for i would refuse
"yes" is a word for which i have no use
and i wasn't looking for heaven or hell
just someone to listen to stories i tell
now what is a blessing and what is a dream
caught between portraits and none's what it seems
and why is it people expect there's a change
when i feel i'm a part of something i can't see
i feel the same now
don't ask me questions or i will retreat
fame is a cancer and ego its seed
now i wasn't looking for heaven or hell
just someone to listen to stories i tell
do we ever wonder?
and do you ever care...
subtle salvation in poems we know
hiding our heads in a shadow of home
now i wasn't looking for wreaths or for bells
just someone to listen to stories i tell
stories i tell

"Stories i Tell" ~ by Toad the Wet Sprocket

0

confessed on 2000-11-26