AARRGGG! Now, Crackbaby is a DJ!
Well, Naomi did it. She held her head up high and admitted that it just was not working. i know this is not easy. She did this the best way possible by making it only about the two of them and trying to keep it as civil as possible. She is hurt and trying so hard to do what's right for her and protect her son at the same time. i am very proud of her strength and her decision to do this. She has not been happy in her marriage and i just hope that Jason realizes that the one he is really hurting here is himself. i know he is prolly reading this and wondering why i'd presume to give him advice. Maybe because, under different circumstances, i have been in the same situation as you are in now. It is very painful and hard to realize that the one you think you love just isn't in love with you. Has your Sprout heard the accusations you are throwing at his mother? (NO, HE HASN'T! i verified this myself today. i want to say you are a good father and thank you for that. he's a lucky kid and i, for one, love him, too!) Naomi would never hurt him in any fashion and you know that. She may not have been the most excited about being a mom, but she is one and she loves him very much. He is your son, too, and you are charged with raising him to be a better person that you. Protecting him and teaching him to be better as your parents tried to do for you. As all parents should do. i know you are hurt and angry and paranoid. Hell, so was i when my life walked out the door. Think before you act. Think really hard. Shut down for a while and use your "auto pilot" for a bit if you need to. Focus on making this right for your son. you will slowly work out your issues and it will hurt, but the real winner in everything should not be you or Naomi, IT HAS TO BE YOUR SON. You are his example of what it means to be a man.
Sorry. i won't make excuses for any of the behavior that i am aware of on either side, but i will say i am Naomi's friend and behind her all the way. i did not make this decision for her or tell her what to do, but i will support her in her choice. i may not care for Jason much, but i have tried in all this to be respectful to him as the husband of my friend. i understand where some of his accusations are coming having been there, too. i just can't stand still and not say my piece JUST ONCE to remind him of the mistake he is making in venting his vitriol so openly. He will be tied to this woman he is striking out at for the rest of Sprout's life and it is up to both of them at this point whether they want that to be nasty or if they can be adults. i strongly recommend the high road. it may be unpopular and difficult, but it is by far the best example of adulthood. There are many times i would love to exercise my varied and colorful vocabulary at Chip, but i settle to vent here, where he will never see it and treat him with the respect i KNOW he does not deserve to his face and in front of our child. She will NEVER hear me bash her father. Does that make me special? Do i win a cookie? Does it mean i am a perfect paragon of virtues? No, and BTW, i don't WANT the fucking cookie. i want a strong, healthy, stable, happy daughter. i have a life outside being 'Roni's Mom' and i love the time i do not have her. i cherish the freedom i have twice a month. i also cherish my child and spent last night tickling, playing, reading, holding, and cuddling with her. No TV, no movies, just us, at home, alone, being goofy and having fun. i wish i could bottle it.
Speaking of last night, Right after i got Roni to bed, i decided to take a shower and guess what? No sooner than i dump shampoo in my hair Roni runs into the bathroom to tell me someone is at the door. At 11:20PM. It could only be one person. i had Roni yell at the door to hold on a minute and she so helpfully inserts the part about me being in the shower ~ gee, thanks ~ and i rinsed me hair out and got out to answer the door. Yep, it was my Baby Boy, Tyler. I let him in and got dressed while he loved on his darling, and we put her back to bed. Then, we curled up on the daybed in the living room to catch up on life and stuff. Roni must have been up and in the bathroom about 6 times in the ensuing hour and a half. She's a nosy freak, i tell you! It was really great to see him and have a while in his company without his girlfriend, Marguerite, calling 5 times or more. i missed him a lot in the last 3 weeks but he was in Cali visiting his family for the holidays and Marguerite had his cell so i had no way of talking to him. "Sucky!" i exclaim! So we curled like puppies and listened to the Jane's Addiction live CD Kat loaned to me yesterday after Faithless was over and talked about our families, the last year being over, Marguerite, Russ, Mary, and he laughed at my tongue piercing. He reminded me that it was dangerous and i reminded him that it was for MY gratification alone. We traded innuendoes for a while and laughed at our situation. He wondered aloud when i would finally get my life straightened out and called me his 'sweet, twisted little girl'. i told him i would be fine when he realized he was really in love with me and we ran off together. We discussed, in seriousness, his actual love life and the fact that he has been with the same woman for over 8 months and the last time he had sex was sometime on April . . . with me. And he's in love with her. i'm not much better off, i just vowed to continue on the path of total chastity and frustration for a year. i guess the best part about seeing him is that, for once, i got to keep the friend i made before we got involved and still be comfortable cuddled up with him. Neither of us could get away with that kind of touching or closeness with anyone else without getting a wrong idea, but since we've already explored all those ideas already, we are satisfied with what was there before and what is still there now. How do i end up with all the really great guys as friends? Friends are so much better than lovers because they don't leave you quite as often. How is it that i can be so lucky in friendship but just really suck at love? i am so dedicated to my friends because i am very careful at picking them. So you guessed my worst fault ~ i love too much.
"Loser" by Beck
is the secret decoder ring song of the day to amuse someone cooler than YOU!
confessed on 2001-01-03