"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for
(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious
(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
i just love this one! My parents have worked in the aviation industry as long as i can remember and i grew up in it, so maybe it's not as funny to you. if that is the case you can bite me. i laughed until i fell outta my chair.
i added links at the bottom of the page but only the people i am addicted to reading everyday and i am reciting Rizzn's last entry in my sleep now so he NEEDS TO UPDATE!!!!!!!!!! i will cry if you don't!!!
i was sent a box from Liv last night and it had the coolest book i have ever seen in it ~ it's called "Girls are Weird" by . . . this woman . . . named . . . Pam . . . something . . . and well, crap, i don't have it with me right now, but i owe you guys the link to the non-linear thinker's page, too, so i wil deliver both as soon as i can, K? Malkavia, i think you will love this and it only takes, like, 20 minutes to read but it was funny as all hell stuck to the bottom of your shoe!
Hi, Viv, i love you and i promise i will work towards taking my first vacation as an adult to California to see you and introduce Roni to my father, and i will do all in my power to make it this year. i really want her to see my side of our little family and to know where i came from. And why i love it so much. And why i hate Texas so much and resent being bound here. but back to teh original statement ~ i want to make it this year and i want to drive there so we can drive through Death Valley and see if "Horse With No Name" by America plays just like it did every vacation i remember as a kid! This is not just an old family joke anymore ~ i have talked to others! Hehehehe! i miss you! OH! OH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! Let me know how this one is for you and i will be able to prepare meself for mine! OH, YOU DESERVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY! YOU ARE ONE OF MY HEROINES!
Lipstick and lashes, the traces of stardom
Lit up on a billboard so everyone sees them in neon
Behind the counter she stares out the window
Up at the billboard that's like a reminder in neon
She hates how she feels but she hangs like a mirror
Maybe a stranger could walk in and see her in neon
For two cents of danger she'd trust anybody
She'd smoke like a gun if it meant she might wind up
In neon the dreams in the light of a promise that dies
A shimmering city, a glimmer of hope and a lie
In neon the name's gone there's no reason why anymore
Trust them and wind up alone behind a locked door
In neon, in neon
Pictures and patterns, the touches of glamour
Cut into a fashion that flashes above them in neon
A hot cup of coffee held in her fingers
A perfect complexion that lingers above her in neon
She hates how she feels but she hangs like a mirror
Maybe a stranger could walk in and see her in neon
For a shot at the title, she'd slip into something
She'd smoulder like ashes if it meant she might wind up in neon
In neon
"In Neon" ~ Music by Elton John // Lyrics by Bernie Taupin // on the album Breaking Hearts
confessed on 2001-01-05