i went to the Bronco Bowl last night and found a nice place to chill and just shut down. i watched the kids with their lights and observed the wild pageantry and the imaginative dancing and was amused, but what really got me drunk was the music. i doubt really need to go into the whys of it so i will just say i never really got into the whole club scene and really didn't want to besides the shows i go to for my boys, but they rock hard and we have so much fun even when i wake up, freezing, with highlighter 'makeup' all over my face (thanks, Bridge!), locked in the garage and not sure if i will set off the alarm . . . but that WAS a fun night!
Last night i went angry and alone with every intention of getting totally smashed, but my good judgment took over and i found a spot to sit back for a few and watch to see if i could spot Russ since i was his guest and all. i gave up on that in under five minutes because there are too many people and i just couldn't worry anymore as the wonderful wonderful wonderful music beat down my will to be angry. or think. i met some charming peoples while i was there, too. Noe was an adorable guy who lost his friends and had never been to any event even remotely resembling this. He was nervous and jumpy and very forgetful, but his conversation included such gems of wisdom like, "OH! WOW! i just remembered what kinds of drugs i am on!" and "So, what's your name? Are you having fun yet?" about 10 times. He was as cute as a puppy and pretty nice, though so i didn't mind him sitting with me. Another was some guy sitting under the bar i was at who just rolled his head back and forth on my knee (? ? ? ?) but he was way out there and i just didn't care.
"My love has gone. His boots no longer by my door. he left at dawn, and as i slept i felt him go . . . " ~ intro to Postcards by Faithless
i was too busy being cleansed by the music. i got there just after 11 and got in without a problem. It wasn't too crowed yet but was already at about 'sauna' in temperature and humidity and i was very tired and stressed so i didn't much feel like moving from my new little 'home'. i couldn't tell you who was up first, but he was cool. Next came a sweet looking little girl who did a great job and then it was DJ Dara who totally kicked ass. For over an hour i'm sure. It was awesome to behold ~ even straight sober! The last one i was there for came on and did something totally different but just as beautiful as it had some of the lighter airier sounds and a dreamier, slightly slower beat. i would have stayed all night and just looked for Russ in the morning, when it was over, but i was starting to feel tired and relaxed and my mind was blissfully empty of all but the beats and flashing lights. My problems and worries had been broken up by the constant barrage of sound and the visuals i saw in my head. i could hardly walk i suddenly felt so light and free, so i decided to go home since i was prolly minutes from passing out. it was 3:45 when i left.
"i'm on the outside, i'm looking in. i can see through you, see your true colors. Inside your ugly, ugly like me. i can see through you ~ see to the real you." ~ the duet Outside on the Family Values Tour CD (sung with acoustic accompaniment only by Staind's Aaron Lewis and Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst)
i love to take the long way home from Dallas. i know it sounds funny, but i do. There about 10 different ways i could drive but i love the view through the hills and valleys of loop 12's spur 408 south to I-20. Then, as you turn the corner and head down the hill towards Ghetto Prairie and Arlington, there are a few places that it seems you will drive right off the edge of the world . . . and below you can see the lights of the two cities, and it makes you feel like you found the lost cities of gold . . . i always drive this stretch in silence and hold my breath. There are not many places near here that still look raw and untouched but all those hills were apparently just too much to mess with because they are relatively natural and it's just exquisite for a few moments. Especially at night when no one else is on the road as you fly along at 80mph on an open empty road with nothing but a slight ringing in your ears and your own thoughts for company.
"Caution! Police Line ~ you better not cross! Is the cop or am i the one who's really dangerous?" ~ Warning by Green Day
i guess this entry is long enough now to just let it go and to say i'm sorry i flipped, but i have been a bit stressed. But please don't feel bad. i forgot to spend myself broke last month due to the stress and so SOMETHING good came of it!
i also want to say i am waiting anxiously for the margaritas ~ i could use them! You are both wonderful and thank you for denying my request for you to run screaming in the opposite direction! i appreciate you more than you know. And now i need you help to shop for more CDs than i can afford because everything i hear seems so anemic and sugary compared to last night. i may recover slightly and be able to listen to my other 'children' again soon, but . . . i have found a new passion and you get to help me shape it! YAY!
"if i could take music like smack i would, but then i'm terrified of needles . . . " ~ me
When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
you're so fucking special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here
She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.
Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,
but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.
"Creep" by Radiohead
confessed on 2001-01-07