Yesterday was an internally shitty day. i don't know why but i was just on the verge of tears all day. Nothing went wrong and everyone was nice. I had a great e-mail conversation going all day that made me laugh (THANK YOU!), so i guess i was just tired or something.
i never got a response from Sarah, so Roni and i went home and she fell asleep on the way. She had complained of feeling crappy, so i just took her in and laid her on her bed and she slept until about 7:30. When she woke up she said "i'm hungry momma, do i go to school today? i want cold cereal, please." She was really confused when i told her it was not morning, it was dinner time. i broke out with some Buzz Lightyear chicken soup and cheese bread with butter and she was fine. i gave her some Nyquil and a shower, read a chapter and stroked her hair for a few minutes and she was out like a light. If she falls asleep like that on the way home, she probably needs the sleep in my view of things, especially if she's been feeling ill. She was even too tired to disrupt class yesterday and got a smiley face!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . . while she was asleep, i halfheartedly cleaned while i listened to the totally blissfully lovely CD that my God of Music burned for me and typed up my thoughts on each song so he can think on what to intoxicate me with next. (you mean it gets better than this?!)
i also wrote a note to Roni's teacher about keeping me up-to-date on her behavior and personal skills. i explained that we had a discussion about her lack of a sense of humor lately and how much her personality has changed since she started school. i think this year has been really tough on her and i have yet to hack the code to find out why. Anyone have a decoder ring for six-year-old girls? i would do ANYTHING for it. You just name your price. Or does anyone who is really girly with a tomboy want to trade on a time-share program? i can handle tomboy, i was one! SOMEONE HELP ME!
Ok, i'm ok, now. i'm calm. i can do this. All i ever wanted was to have 12 kids and a big house full of love and arguments and pranks and fun. i have always wanted kids. Maybe i should have not had any and been a teacher. i can teach really well and i love learning. (Master, my mentor at work, he used to tell me that for a {technical} agnostic, i have a great way with Bible stories and should teach Sunday school to teens. i had to laugh at the irony of that. What church would condone my teaching kids about Lillith and Judith and all the other women who were cut from the final draft? Humans wrote those stories down from their point of view and humans translated them and humans taught them and humans are fallible. If the messenger is corrupt, can you truly trust the message? i am no role model. Fine, away with the soapbox before someone knocks me off of it!)
Good gravy, she's so right! i do just ramble on! Oh, well, i will leave you with some words that made me really think this morning.
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed."
~ Albert Einstein
confessed on 2001-03-13