i dreamt i saw you walking
up a hillside in the snow
casting shadows on the winter sky
as you stood there counting crows
one for sorrow, two for joy,
three for girls, and four for boys,
five for silver, six for gold, and
seven for a secret never to be told

there's a bird that nests inside you
sleeping underneath your skin
when you open up your wings to speak
i wish you'd let me in

from "a murder of one" ~ counting crows
i thought of this song

i was just sitting outside, watching the clouds roll by and contemplating spiritual beliefs, hair colorant, Louis Armstrong, human equality, Bob Ross, passion, and Joni Mitchell.

i thought for two whole cigarettes.

i thought of people i liked and others i loved and still more i used to know but some how lost along the way.

i thought of truth and compassion.

i thought of my failings as a compassionate person.

i thought of my desire to feel safe in my life, my head, my heart and someone's arms.

i thought of the warmth of the sun on my body and how nice it felt.

i thought of how much nicer it felt to sit beside a friend and lean on them when my thoughts became too heavy.

i thought of how sometimes i am not a nice / positive / sane person to be around.

i thought of how giving / understanding / fun i can sometimes be.

i thought of how some people have seen too much of one and not enough of the other.

i thought of how sometimes it really does matter what people think of me.

i thought of how i need to change myself and my life in some ways.

i thought of how sometimes, people see 'bitter' when it's really 'bittersweet' . . .

"Both Sides Now" ~ Joni Mitchell
"Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels, the dizzy-dancing way you feel
as every fairy-tale comes real . . . i looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show, you leave them laughing when they go
and if you care, don't let them know ~ don't give yourself away."


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confessed on 2001-06-07