Thursday was dinner with the family. Nothing big happened, we all got along, Dad predicted peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians was next . . .
Friday was, "Fuck the dog! Happy!" Well, at least two, no, four of us know what i'm talking about . . .
My beautiful Angelic one visited me . . . (all communication breaks down right about here since i just realized, yet again, that i get to say he's 'mine' and i dissolve into blissful giddy EXSTATIC happiness and turn into a million sparks of light that can set the whole world on fire . . .) There will be one more week to freedom.
i'm sorry, my diary that i spoke not of these great events until now, but it was too deeply cherished to speak of and jinx. And so i held my little secret close to my heart and discussed it only with my conscience and my best friend, both of which i trust with my soul. You know now.
He is so beautiful and it's so difficult to see him at work and not be able to touch him. i know i must seem distracted but i can't help it ~ he's right THERE and, well, it's exquisite torture, that's what it is. And i'll admit, i like it. "Giddy" and "idiot" come to mind right now . . .
Saturday, i chilled with Roni, dozed off and on and then Abby and Louis came by for a visit since they love me and miss me! Abby and i took the trip to Sonic to get food while Louis chilled with Roni and the piano since he is a god among us mortals. She and i talked for a little and giggled and did those mysterious girly things happy women with goofy grins and wonderful men do when they get a free moment alone together. They got to see the 'Trailer' dance and we all curled like puppies on The Boob� and listened to music, discussed crack and caught up on stuff in general.
OH! i may get to meet Rissa this afternoon since she is here, in town! i am so excited! There is ALWAYS room for another Crackhead and i have wanted especially wanted to meet this one and give her a huge hug.
She is in the small group of Crackheads who understand that nothing will ever be 'OK' and it never has been. Shit happens, things work out, and we go on somehow cheated but stronger and that is just how it is. Happiness is good and there is no 'deserving' to the whole mess, you make what you need and cherish it. Time doesn't heal, it numbs you. Pain doesn't make you stronger, it desensitizes you. But love is still grand.
"She's My Baby" ~ Faithless
"i'm itchin' to be kissin' you but discipline is the rule "
bonus!
"Why Go?" ~ Faithless
"The way your smile fills the room
Stay awhile. What's there to lose?
The way you laugh, when i say, Don't go. Please stay.
Why go? Why go, when you could stay awhile?
Why go? Why go, when you could stay awhile,
when you could stay with me tonight?"
confessed on 2001-07-01