Work is exhausting. i am a dependable mediocre + employee right now as i'm still kinda new compared with, say, 16 - 20 YEARS in the field of corrugated box-making, and mediocrity does not suit me well. i don't like to be noticed that much, but i don't like bad publicity, either. i prefer to excel quietly in my corner and be valuable and key, but not the headliner, ya know? Is that too much to ask for? The one that they point out and say, "She may be a little odd, but if you need something done, she can make it happen. Never a problem, buy her a Pepsi and she's your buddy."
Oh, well, i rarely make mistakes any more and most things have sped up considerably, so that's good. It's just that there is so much to do that i feel constantly rushed and under the gun from when i get there (early) until i run out the door (late). i don't mind the rush and the busy and, in fact, i excel in that type of job, i'm just saying that by the time i get home every day i'm sore and tired and drained ~ i'm just not used to this.
hence, the song that actually made me feel a little better today on the ride home . . .
"The Middle" ~ Jimmy Eat World
"Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
* It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
* Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now. Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
* Chorus 2X
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
* Chorus 2X"
By the way . . .
confessed on Friday, Jan. 11, 2002