i was so dumb for cutting my hair.
No, don't argue. It may be kinda cute when i fix it, but i hate to fix it. i hate it touching me. i hate it being there to get messed up. i hate when i don't know it's messed up. i just generally hate my hair.
Now before you start to think i've gone all soft, i have to explain a few things. i am happy to put my hair in a pony tail or clip and leave it all day. As long as i have only to comb it and pull it up, it's ok. Right now, i have to comb and style it and then be very vigilant while it dries or it sticks out funny and looks so stupid. i swear, i have turned into a hair whore. i need to eat better, exercise, lose weight, and prolly take vitamins so it'll grow faster. That's the only thing i can think of to make this madness stop.
My feet hurt, too. i have been feeling very odd lately. i have been doing girly things and it's creeping me out. Twice in recent times, TWICE, i have had to have a man open a jar for me. Not because they are MEN, per se, but because they were stronger than me. i must hang my head in shame. And my feet still hurt, too.
i have a cell phone!!!!!!!!!!
i finally got a savings account! i was so excited . . . this is the first time i have had enough money to OPEN a savings account. Before, the thought of 'extra' money was laughable. i generally had to really dig to buy anything i wanted that was not a NEED. Now i have this 'extra' money in the bank just sitting there. It's so weird and foreign to me.
Sam is such a spaz. i like him to pieces already. We generally hang out together at work and i just finished his pretty new diary look for him, but that was so simple and took only an hour.
i'm just thrilled to have this computer back and have already made sweet love to Corel PHOTO-PAINT 9 as a way to apologize for neglecting her while she was inaccessible. She was so understanding and is not angry with me at all! i love this computer! i'm so GLAD the old processor didn't work! Now we have a much faster computer and it just ZOOMS along with it's XP. (they were right about how easy XP is. if you can't work XP, you need to pack up your computer and send it back ~ you are too stupid to used one!)
Anyway, on with life! i must go now and get ready for dinner with Russ and Mary. i don�t get to see my bestest friend as often as i'd like and i miss him so much!
"Behind Blue Eyes" ~ The Who
"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free
No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you
No one bites back as hard on their anger
None of my pain and woe can show through
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man behind blue eyes . . ."
confessed on Thursday, Apr. 18, 2002