fuck. there are times, like right now, when i miss having someone that took care of me. i miss the girl who rubbed lavender into my temples when i had a migraine, the one that forced me to go to the dentist and later, to the oral surgeon even though i wanted to bolt and i was scared. i miss the one that brought me food when my back was messed up and i couldn't get out of bed. i miss the one that was always there to listen. the one that always stood up for me when i just didn't have any fight left and never failed to make me laugh.
too bad she dead.
today is a shitty day all around. i hurt and i want to stop hurting. i want to play pogo or chat or hang out with friends or any millions of things but i can't because i am desperate enough to take a muscle relaxer and a long shower and lie down in hopes that whatever is where it shoudln't be goes back to where it should be. my back doesn't fuck up frequently but when it does i generally get to the point of begging someone to shoot me by the second day. this is the second day. thus far i haven't had any luck with the contract i was trying to take out on myself.
i'm off to the shower - have a great night ladies & gents.
confessed on Friday, Aug. 04, 2006