i dreamt i saw you walking
up a hillside in the snow
casting shadows on the winter sky
as you stood there counting crows
one for sorrow, two for joy,
three for girls, and four for boys,
five for silver, six for gold, and
seven for a secret never to be told

there's a bird that nests inside you
sleeping underneath your skin
when you open up your wings to speak
i wish you'd let me in

from "a murder of one" ~ counting crows
"i believe in peace, bitch"

i stayed up too late again cleaning frantically and moving the furniture and stuff.

i don't know why.

i get so tense right between my shoulders and i can't relax to sleep so i start things and just go nuts from there.

i'm still not to the point that i'm scrubbing the grout in the shower with my toothbrush and straight bleach, yet, so i guess alls well that ends in two hours of sleep.

sometimes i wish i wasn't so tied down here.

i wish that i could leave home with a bag of clothes and not come back for three days.

i wish that i could exist on the shiny-sharp edge of life that has nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with selfishly running about on speed and alcohol, dancing like crazy with a glittery eye and my teeth bared to the world, lost inside the frantic music in my head, body jerking and head spinning till i pass out in a back room in a puddle of sweat and desperation.

i wish i was a more selfish person who could just take for a change.

i wish i could project more than i suck down and hold with in.

i just want to be happy and i want people i love around me being happy, too.

i want everything in between.

i want it all.

i want it now.

i want my neck to stop hurting so very badly.

"Baker Baker" ~ Tori Amos

"Baker Baker baking a cake
Make me a day
Make me whole again
And I wonder what's in a day
What's in your cake this time

I guess you heard he's gone to L.A.
He says that behind my eyes I'm hiding
And he tells me I pushed him away
That my heart's been hard to find

Here there must be something here
There must be something here here

Baker Baker can you explain
If truly his heart was made of icing
And I wonder how mine would taste
Maybe we could change his mind

I know you're late for your next parade
You came to make sure that I'm not running
Well I ran from him in all kinds of ways
Guess it was her turn this time

Time
Thought I'd make friends with time
Thought we'd be flying
Maybe not this time

Baker Baker baking a cake
Make me a day
Make me whole again
And I wonder if he's ok
If you see him say hi"


0 people love me

confessed on Thursday, Jul. 10, 2003