i dreamt i saw you walking
up a hillside in the snow
casting shadows on the winter sky
as you stood there counting crows
one for sorrow, two for joy,
three for girls, and four for boys,
five for silver, six for gold, and
seven for a secret never to be told

there's a bird that nests inside you
sleeping underneath your skin
when you open up your wings to speak
i wish you'd let me in

from "a murder of one" ~ counting crows
i'm bummed so i'm just gonna bitch some here

bitching:


i hate my place of employment. it sucks maggot infested moldy gorgonzola out of the cold syphilis infected ass of a dead bloated rancid sheep. seriously.


The head militant Jesus Bitch is in the next cube from me. she is a Second Lt. Major Asshole in the Hypocrite Army and delights in vicious gossip, ratting out every little mistake, and the fine art of preaching her holier-than-thou sermons. and she smells really bad. like rotting fish and old blood. my boss is a little social butterfly of a thing only not to me. or Blue. she will float about spending hours talking to her favorites about church and gossiping but heaven help the contractor that stops to say hello to anyone. the favorites log off the phone and wander around to chat with each other and goof off but i have to answer for every three minute run to the bathroom.


Some guy on my team seems to have a huge crush on my boobs. i seriously believe that he couldn�t tell you the color of my eyes. Blue tells me that some other guy does, too, but i can't tell because he won't talk to or even look at me because he suddenly decided that he needs to 'Get Right With God' for no known reason. his freakishness wouldn't really matter one whit to me but he is our contact for all technical issues and right now we are having quite a few due to a massive software overhaul-type upgrade that was done last weekend to out web publishing interface. it's like pulling teeth to get him to answer a simple question. look, i have a mirror. i KNOW they are not looking at my face. i think Blue is crazy but she insists that i'm cute.


My time sheet didn't clear the "draft" phase in our new automated system so last weeks check didn't show up until this week so we were burning fumes in the bank account. this Wednesday, when my two checks showed up, Angel paid three bills and all our money was gone again. i really miss that Sprint PCS discount on my mobile bill. losing that just about doubled my bill.


i will have to sign a new lease at the apartment that is sucking my will to live for no reason other than it is the biggest reason my daughter is not living with me right now. i miss her so much it hurts. i cry for no reason at every little sappy thing. i mean, since when should a COMMERCIAL make me cry? i don't sleep for shit and i'm constantly tired. i haven't been able to clean my house since my birthday because my back still hurts. i can't stand this mess, it's been two weeks now! the pain is not as bad as it was the first three days but it's constant and that�s really hard to put up with. i can take Motrin all day but then my stomach and kidneys get pissed at me and i'd have three parts of my body revolting. i could not get tickets to the NIN or the DM concert that i wanted more than life. i have never been to a NIN and the only DM was for "Songs of Faith and Devotion" . . . i want to see The Cure, too, but i want the OLD Cure not the new i'm-a-scary-old-drunk-queen-still-wearing-the-same-make-up-since-1989 Robert Smith. have you seen him lately? it's really sad that he didn't age gracefully. the weight is not spectacular but could be overlooked easily if her would take a damn shower, but on some new clothes and cut that greasy fried shaggy mop.


/bitching


On the up side, i have made two great new friends that rock my socks off at the job from the 5 level of Hell (because nothing can beat the time served at Apple Corrugated working for Beverly, Satan's right hand.). and i may not have money to go buy dinner at some fancy place but we scrounged together fettuccine with fresh chopped garlic and parmesan and some blackberry merlot for dinner and that beats the hell out of ramen and beer, any day.


Last weekend was really pretty great. The Ronica and Princess MonoTayTay came over for the weekend and we spent Saturday playing Burnout 4 - Revenge on the X-Box and going thrift shopping. we made some flower fairies and played on the computers until 3am. Sunday morning Angel called in and took Tay to Warfle Haus. Myste happened to call about Halloween plans and so She and Chip went up there, too. As he was leaving i woke up and found out so i got The Ronica out of bed and we were showered, dressed and walking in the door about 20 minutes later. after that big family breakfast, we all visited the great pumpkin to look at Halloween stuff. from there Chip left to go watch a football game and the rest of us came back to the apartment for a couple movies and a lot of goofing off including but not limited to a wooden spoon fight and people running through the house, in and out of doors and over the balcony wall. no one wanted to go home . . .


basically, life has been spitting in my face and telling me, "See? it's cleaner, now!" lately. what can i do? it's the only one they'll give me and they don't do refunds.


2 people actually got to the end of this whine

confessed on Thursday, Oct. 13, 2005