but then, i used to have someone to come home to.
we had the first cold snap today, chill winds blowing the misting rain straight into your bones. permeating creeping cold, stealing your warmth with such diligence you can feel it slipping away on every beat of your heart as if you were bleeding out on the rain-slick ground.
there was a time when these days left me exhilarated, thrilled and giddy, rolling my windows down, turning up the music, letting the damp soak into my bones as i drove home with mounting anticipation of throwing my arms around a big strong man that radiated enough heat to last a nuclear winter. there would be a fire to build, hot food to eat and snuggling to do. there would be laughter, tickling and maybe some wrestling. we might run through the house throwing things, screaming and squealing or settle in for a movie under a blanket with his heart under my hand. i love the feel of a heart beating and someone's warm hands on my skin.
nothing i can imagine could ever come close to just being loved in simple small comfortable ways. a quick kiss goodbye, a random hug, the caress of warm breath on the back of your neck, hands in your hair or an arm around your waist. no jewelry can make a woman feel as much as a small kiss on a bare shoulder or the small of her back.
here i am, thinking of and researching someone else's Halloween costume to avoid thinking of how i'm cold to the bone in an empty, quiet home listening to the low hum of the computer and the staccato clacking of the keys i'm pounding this out on. i'm starting to feel low and sad, craving a shower and wishing that my tattoo artist hadn't had to re-schedule for Friday because i could really use the company right now.
well, to be honest, the company and the pain.
confessed on Monday, Oct. 22, 2007