i dreamt i saw you walking
up a hillside in the snow
casting shadows on the winter sky
as you stood there counting crows
one for sorrow, two for joy,
three for girls, and four for boys,
five for silver, six for gold, and
seven for a secret never to be told

there's a bird that nests inside you
sleeping underneath your skin
when you open up your wings to speak
i wish you'd let me in

from "a murder of one" ~ counting crows
yeah, i am an eeeeediot!

Hey! Don't forget this one ~ important question here!

OMFD! i am SOOOOOO stupid!

well, lemme explain ~ i told you about my night and all ~ we closed down the bar at two ~ and i spent almost all my cash, so i couldn't really stop anywhere to grab breakfast. ('breakfast' usually consists of large doses of caffeine in almost sludge form to trick my stomach into thinking i ate. actual food is discouraged before, say, 10:30-11:00)

So i drank tons of cran-rasp all morning and my kidneys thank me! Then i played online for a while and lost track of time and got ever so sleepy. i wandered off to the break room to get a drink and find my friend, Pho, and his wife, Viravon, sitting there with a huge salad his mom made and he dishes me a plate full and demands that i eat salad. Now, i like these two and trust them to not make attempts on my life, so i smile big and sit to eat. i was so tired i did not notice the shortness of breath for what it was and since the evil toxin was smothered in spices, watermelon juice, and other conflicting but good taste and smell combos, i ate. Until i spotted the cilantro giggling with demonic glee on my fork.

i am so allergic to this stuff. For me, eating this, especially fresh, is the equivalent of applying a low-grade asthma attack, migraine, and stomach flu all at once. yeah, so now i just sit here trying not to breathe too deeply while typing really slow and feeling like my head is filled with angry wasps that are escaping down my spine to sting me and surrounded by killer bees doing what they do best. but i also feel sedated and heavy and my stomach is already trying to claw it's way out of me as i experience wave after wave of prickling heat and ice cold.

And i still have an hour to go before i can leave. to make it worse, i need to take a muscle relaxer and work the kink out of my lower back, but my muscle relaxer knocks my ass clean out.

i wanna curl up under my desk . . . i want druuuuugs . . . i wanna sleep . . . i want someone to hold me and tell me that this will pass and i'll be ok . . . i am such a baby sometimes . . . i wanna cry and i don't know why.

This feeling really sucks cattle off and shares with it's mamma.

i think it's time for a little


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confessed on 2001-02-19