horray, i got my connection back!
sorry, i didn't mean to startle you!
oh, i see, you were just surprised that i'm writing at all! i get it
my insides feel like someone is scraping them out with a garden weasel, but otherwise, i'm getting along.
i have good music, a comfy bed, the new Harry Potter book, money in the bank, and no one to answer to . . . what more can i ask for?
well, i know THAT, but i'm trying not to THINK on IT!
i figure i will relax and blow off life for the rest of July and then i'll start going out on weekends and live a little. i need my tummy to start feeling better is all.
i exercise every day and try to remember to eat at least one meal a day. that week and a half of not eating at all shrank my tummy and made a 'meal' a pretty small affair. i guess it's all working out.
i miss the companionship the most. i can turn the sex off and not be bothered when i want to, but the friend i had the rest of the time . . . oh, well.
he said he was not all the comfortable around me so i told him to go. he just sat there on the couch casting about for words to make sense of what he was feeling and i finally cut him off and told him that if he's not comfortable here to leave and stop coming over every day. don't torture yourself for crying out loud!
he seemed kinda hurt or angry about it but left and hasn't called or come back for the rest of his stuff that is STILL sitting by the door. it's been two days. or was it three? i lose track with my jacked up sleep schedule.
Mary moved out, too. she left and went to stay at her mom's apartment to get to know her better as they were never close before. i miss Mary being here, too, but i know she's got a lot on her plate and she needs to start digging in.
Roni went to her daddy's for the holiday weekend. it's been quiet and soothing round here - cleaning, rearranging, thinking about the future and where i want to be tomorrow, next week, month, year . . . i don't know why i put off so much for so long but that is not going to last any longer.
i am getting a house.
i am getting my truck fixed up.
i am getting in a healthy shape.
i am getting my head straight.
i am getting a life that has nothing to do with men or dating.
i am more that a girl on some guy's arm.
i want to go to school. that will be a little more involved and difficult to work out as i have to still be a good mom.
i am getting myself a cafe mocha as i need some caffeine!
catch ya laters!
"Ordinary World" ~ Duran Duran
"Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window cross the rooftops, run away,
Left me in the vacuum of my heart.
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say,
Where is my friend when i need you most?
Gone away...
But i won't cry for yesterday, there's an ordinary world,
Somehow i have to find.
And as i try to make my way, to the ordinary world...
i will learn to survive.
Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk
(Just blown away...)
And i don't cry for yesterday, there's an ordinary world,
Somehow i have to find.
And as i try to make my way, to the ordinary world...
i will learn to survive. "
0 people know where that title comes from
confessed on Sunday, Jul. 06, 2003