hi guys, i again find myself here wisking i had a lot to say but i don't.

Roni spent a few days in the hospital for a viral/bacterial infection in her tummy and that was hard. i stayed all 72 hours in the little room with very little sleep but a lot of time to think.

i miss all this but my schedule didn't give me much time and after a bit i just got worn out and stressed to the max and i retreated from everything and everybody.

i was away from home so much that i hardly saw my family and when i was here i hid in a book so as to escape any further stress and to not take it all out on them.

my efforts were not appreciated.

i am working hard now to turn it around and save my family before it's gone so far that i can't.

i guess what i'm saying is that i could go either way right now. i could come back and update on my progress or i may drop back out of sight for a while and it all counts on how things go here.

on a few side notes, i have avoided almost all contact with anyone in real life, too. i have hid out and stayed home and refused all invitations. i have gained more weight. i feel terrible unattractive and helpless to stop. out of control. i want to erase this last little bit but i think i'll let it stay. i need to lose some weight. i need to do laundry. i need to clean my house and treat my family with more respect and attention. i need to get out and see people. i need to TRY.

i need to make a template for a very wonderful and understanding girl who was left cluelessy in the dark. i made a promise and failed to keep it, something i am very ashamed of.

i need to go to the doc and tell him i am depressed and get some help.

i need to have a good cry.

i need a good friend to cry on.

i miss you guys.

3 = hours of sleep i got all weekend

confessed on Sunday, Jun. 15, 2003