Wow. a whole month has flown by on parti-colored wings. some days low as black as the deep abyss, so harsh they suck the light from around them, other times high and deep magical blue of a perfectly clear night sky out where only the stars witness your secrets.
why whole life is in a chaotic state of flux right now.
i have the new position just about nailed down but i can never afford to assume an outcome, i'm making new friends, seeing some old friendships grow, letting some old friendships go and otherwise just moving from day to day rolling with the changes.
i have a new kitten and my apartment was rearranged, i have some new habits and my thinking has been re-examined. i don't know where the next year will take me but i'm shivering electric with equal parts excitement & ambition and not a little bit of anxiety thrown in.
i'm also looking forward and seeing the long downhill slope of this year ahead of me and i'm holding my breath hoping my preparations are enough to save me from the pool of broken glass that forever awaits at the beginning of every year.
i have changed so much of me in the last 12 months: my weight, hair, skin, wardrobe, home, mind, job, thought processes, friends, hobbies, and so much more.
i will make it through the next five months with my head high. i will not lie down and die every time i feel my heart ache for all i've lost. i refuse to break over and over as the past laps against the shore of the future, erasing the joyous foot prints of today's dance upon the sand.
i shall build my castles in the sand out of rock and shell. let the waves come in, they make knock it down, but my little world will still remain ready to rebuild with a solid tested foundation.
i can do this.
i will do this.
confessed on Tuesday, Sept. 18, 2007