i dreamt i saw you walking
up a hillside in the snow
casting shadows on the winter sky
as you stood there counting crows
one for sorrow, two for joy,
three for girls, and four for boys,
five for silver, six for gold, and
seven for a secret never to be told

there's a bird that nests inside you
sleeping underneath your skin
when you open up your wings to speak
i wish you'd let me in

from "a murder of one" ~ counting crows
yes, there is an application process, too

my big plan. it has already garnered much detraction and fire from one source but that may have been the cynical twist of lemon i added to the presentation as i was still stinging from the aforementioned rejection.

my plan is simple. i'm going to get back on track with working out and eating sensibly (i fell off the wagon for a bit due to a certain Buenohead i work with), continue to lose weight and get healthier and then go find me a partner.

see, the pattern so far has been that they find me, work really hard, win me, break me into little peices and then wander off, slightly ashamed of the mess they've made. i need to break that pattern. some other factors that i need to eliminate:


  • no assholes (they are like catnip to me)
  • no serious baggage (i have enough of my own)
  • no insane grand passions (if they profess their undying love, i'm tempted to test the "undying" part...)
  • no drastic changes (if their affection is conditional to me changing, i'm out.)

i'm sure i'll think of more.
on the positive side, since i've been working to be more positive rather than negative here is a list of yes items:

  • must be tall (i'd say 6' minimum because i have to fit right there in the hollow of their shoulder and between their shoulder blades from behind)
  • dark hair, tan/dark tone skin (what can i say? i have learned to love the Latin boys)
  • friendly, realistic, mostly positive outlook (i need to limit my anger ratio, but i don't want crazy instead)
  • easy going (i know i am excitable, i don't need an extra volatile mate)
  • understanding yet challenging (don't hesitate to speak up but when it comes to a matter of opinion and/or personal preference or feeling, accept that we will differ)

i want to find someone with several common interests, a great sense of humor, someone i enjoy spending time with even when we're not doing anything, someone i can take care of and care for that cares for me back but mostly is just there and lets me cook, clean, hostess and basically manage all their whims into reality. kinda like a partner in crime, i'm not the superhero, i'm the sidekick. i'm the Penny to someone's Inspector Gadget. i make it happen, i make them look good. and being a sidekick is what makes me happy. i don't like to shine, center stage, all that much; i only need one person to know how awesome i am - the one that really matters.

i can't promise that i'll fall in love with them, but i will be faithful, dedicated, supportive, caring, rational, understanding and generally the best damn partner they could ask for.
i also have big boobs and i'm kind of a freak.
well, very much a freak.
like as in, the list of things i won't do is short, the list of things i have done and will joyfully do again is . . . substantial.

anyways, i digress. i'm basically looking for a healthy, balanced, contented partnership in which i get to do what makes me happy. namely, take care of someone.


4 freaks in this meeting of freaks anon . . .

confessed on Monday, Dec. 03, 2007