if anyone can tell me where that quote comes from i'll lick them or send a CD mix that i come up with randomly after reading their diary. anyone? just sign the comments at the bottom of this entry and the only rule is that you can't use Google or a search engine of any kind! agonize over it and ask friends! it'll be fun - it's really just a test to see if we are already so dependant on internet that we can't think for ourselves anymore . . .
gak! today was honestly a good day and i laughed and joked and smiled and even won a few but it all felt hollow.
how long does this last? when will i be able to really laugh and feel elated without it burning in my soul like sunlight to the undead? i have a good time, i have fun! but it's like eating restaurant Tortilla soup - it's great until you taste mine and then it just never seems quite right, never tastes that good, always makes you hunger for that which you miss.
i guess i found what it was i have always been looking for and now that it's gone i feel the missing piece that never really bothered me until i was whole. it doesn't hurt so much anymore, but it's very distracting and never quite leaves my peripheral vision.
i am waiting for Cyndi to get back to me about that job - there was a management change over there and it was put on a temp hold until the dust settles (this shouldn't take more than a month in theory, but i'm not completely dumb - i'm not holding my breath. i'm just thinking breathless thoughts on occasion.)
i have been taking a few days very easy so there's not a lot to report other than as much as i grudgingly love my family, they know fuck-all about me. well, Dad's pretty cool, but he's just a payer of attention so he catches a lot on the fly. i guess i should be thankful that they let me cook dinner sometimes. i miss having a big kitchen to work with. the feel of an islanded kitchen is wonderful - the symmetry and placement, the openness and usefulness, the wonderful flow . . . the efficiency!!!! i really ought to cook more often.
it's weird but i don't see cooking as a gender influenced thing - i love to cook and bake and prepare and experiment with food and i'm lucky that most of what i make is awesome or at least edibly tasty and satisfying. some people can't do that. i have a friend that can burn water. Mom did once, too - and that pan it was in, to boot! do you know how hard it is to BURN Faberware pans? they come with a life-time guarantee! Dad is great in the kitchen but he's ever better outside and can't be beat when he's camping. i guess you can calling him the Rough Gourmet! (Now why does that not sound quite right?)
some people have "it" some don't. Dad and i do, Brat fakes it, Mom is a savant when it comes to a few moves and Toaster Boy is suspicious of us all. Rachel is a Goddess and does it all so well but she cheated by going to school for it - me, i have natural talent! sheesh! that sounds totally incestual and dirty!
anyways, i'm off like a dirty shirt!
confessed on Tuesday, Aug. 26, 2003