Friday was a 'nothing much' day. i worked, we talked, had dinner, saw Myste when she picked up The Ronica, and we talked some more. Then he went to work.

Saturday, i worked, came home, goofed off for a bit, went and had Outback with The Bad Boy, came back to watch a movie but bailed on that idea cause we were actually tired. we snuggled up and crashed.

i'm the only one awake right now. he has to catch up on several months of almost no sleep at all. my poor baby.

i am still wildly fluctuating between thrilled and cautions, but i guess that's normal. no matter how you look at it, he's changed in the last few months. he's intensely driven to prove that this is where he wants to be and i guess i fear i may make it all too easy on him. maybe he needs not to prove to US, but to figure it out for HIMSELF. it's easy to focus on a goal and just go for it without ever examining the goal. i need him to examine the goal and make sure that's what he really NEEDS, not just the 'known' thing that he thinks he wants.

i just don't want to be here in two more years. i fear he's moving too quickly and making a lot of assumptions when he should be taking each aspect and examining it slowly, pondering it, making every decision after a bit of deliberation. like taking apart something that didn't work quite right and cautiously putting it together - slowly, double checking everything, matching it to the instruction sheet.

yes, i want him home more that anything in the world. it's just no good without him. i simply want to make sure this is what is truly the right thing AND the right timing.

0 shrubberies still needed to cross

confessed on Sunday, Sept. 07, 2003