i'm sitting here at my desk, warming up from the inside out with hot homemade cinnamon-raisin oatmeal with brown sugar and a little butter on top, hearing the sound of the crisp fallen leaves skitter across the rocky walkway outside my window much the way i imagine my fallen heart sounds as it dances across the paving stones outside the window of my life.

this fall has been an odd mixture of habit and changes. i'm almost not sure how to feel most the time. i'm forcing myself to let go and flow with things more now, it's leaving me feeling exhilarated and uncertain frequently at the same time. i have learned to relax more and enjoy what comes to me instead of working so hard against the grain to make things work out the way i want. this has gotten me more than i ever thought possible but sometimes it doesn't feel like it'll be enough. i have given up dreams, hopes, wishes, tears, negativity and fear to acquire friendship, confidence, joy, warmth, comfort, frustration and an honest trust that humbles me. i'll hold on the edge of this cliff forever if that is all that's in the cards though teetering on the edge has been keeping me breathless and giddy.

i'm still frequently lonely but i'm open to possibilities. i'm not seeking, not searching; i'm not prowling or on the hunt, but i'm standing on the edge of this forest capable of being taken down by the right hunter with the perfect shot.

1 shots at dusk

confessed on Monday, Nov. 05, 2007