Ok, i have to put this out here. read if you want. respond if you like. but please be patient with me in my need to expell some demons that have been taunting me:
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Pin the Butterfly ~ V
You realize you have ruined her, but
In stealing her vitality, you have created a shared immortality,
A permanent reminder of what you once loved about her
You look at the rusted hands with out which you could never have done so much
You feel the dirt of the whore you made tainting you, eating at you.
You can taste the metallic fear in the blood you have drawn.
You see daily the horror of what you have made and it makes your skin crawl
With the million parasitic reminders and you turn away with finality
To wash this grotesqueness out of your life, yet unable to release the
Byproduct of this grand indulgence gone awry.
You are now caught for life and your guilt begs her revenge
Even as you shudder and pray for her apathy . . .
Unable to believe, no, certain you killed all forgiveness.
Her crazed eyes and the wickedness rolling so unheeded from her new filthy mind
Try to cut at you, to justify your abandonment, to fuel you hatred.
In the war of power and shattered promises you feel your control slipping.
You hold up for all eyes the proof of your supposed martyrdom
And project free will over all the misdeeds your hands guided
The truth whispers in your ears as you burn in the hell you both have created
As the knife of time and bitter words cuts deeper into both you and her
The acid of anger and tears washes her face cleaner than she can ever remember
And somehow you are no longer important to her
As you watch with cautious anxiety she moves through her days
Devoid of feeling; numbed; sealed in her scars,
Bathed in the tears she no longer realizes are flowing . . .
And you wonder
And you wait
And you fear the moment she will turn on you.
Your cowardice is revealed in you offensive stance
And your impotent frustration is apparent in your tied hands and inactivity
Your imagination was too powerful and frightening a tool and you have relinquished
Your grip on it terrified of what you are capable of creating ~
You have shut out your memories of what you have done.
You hang suspended by threads you were never before aware of
The uncertainty in the face of all the proof of her lasting disinterest in you.
As the climax builds and your inside quiver with guilt laced with
Anticipation of retribution, she lays at your feet her last question;
"At what point does the victimization cross over to culpability in inactivity?"
As the Gordian knots that have tied you for so long are mitigated
And your mind tries to fathom not that she has offered forgiveness
As none was forthcoming, but that
She has admitted none was warranted, that she has conceded
Her compliance in the abomination and loosed the hooks you've twisted deeper
Into your psyche than was ever intended . . .
In your final jubilant moment of your new-found liberty
You look around, speechless only to realize
She is gone . . .
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YES, this is an original work so here it is, the thingy:
Any and all poetry found on this page is original and the exclusive property of misijane hibner copywrite 2000.
Please do not reprint without permission.
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confessed on 2000-11-25